Monday, November 26, 2012

The Elf on the Shelf

I would like to formally nominate the Elf on the Shelf for the Nobel Peace Prize for 2013.  The 2012 award was given to the European Union "for over six decades contributed to the advancement of peace and reconciliation".  Please.  The Elf On the Shelf has contributed to the advancement of peace in the entire world.  Ok so maybe not the prize for peace but definitely for medicine.  Elf has single handedly lowered the collective blood pressure of the entire world without drugs.  Bam.  No Obama Care needed.

Elf has also invaded Pinterest.  People are really amazing.  There are pictures of the elf in a room with pillow feathers everywhere, or trees stripped of their ornaments, all over the floor, making the kids think the elf did it.  2 things.  1) Weird, and 2) Seriously people with kids have time for this crap?  I got the Elf to make my life easier, not harder.

We “adopted” our Elf last Friday.  Can we talk about the elf…I mean…elephant in the room for a minute?  He is downright creepy looking.  The inventors couldn’t come up with anything else?  Yeah, me too kid.Post-Scary-Christmas-Elf1                                        

I was skeptical, figuring it was a total scam.  I figured I could put it on the counter and reference it when I needed some behavior improvements or to try and get my oldest to sleep past 6 AM.  Then he started asking questions.  Like, how does he fly back to the North Pole if he doesn’t have wings?  Uh.  Pixie Dust?  What happens if I wet my bed – am I allowed to get out of my bed then without getting into trouble with Elf?  Uh, I’ll text Santa and ask.  Yup, Santa says that is a reasonable exception.  See?  The web of lies is getting out of control.  Santa is one thing but the Elf is taking things a whole lot further.  Will this generation of children grow up and be diagnosed with “The Elf Effect,” spending hours upon hours on the couches of therapists due to this ultimate betrayal?

Oh the tangled web we weave.  Too late now, I’m in too deep.  Time to sign off.  I need to go move Elf.

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